Bond of Solitude
by Bonzai-Bunny
Summary: “It’s been a year...” Tamaki’s grip tightened on Kyouya's arm and a shaky sigh escaped his lips. His voice cracked. “I...I didn’t want to be alone.” Edited slightly


Warning: Fluff, angst, one-sided KyouyaxTamaki

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran.

Authoress Note: Okay. I wrote this originally because my friend kept cuddling (assaulting) me when I was at her house. Somehow it turned into angst and then really sappy fluff. I honestly hate this story. I like the idea of it, but I just feel as though I failed in the carrying out the plot and characterization. But someone out there must like it. Oh well.

I changed it back to the third person and kept Kyouya's doubts in the second person in parenthesis. I hope it's a little more bearable.

--o0o--

Kyouya should have known that the evening was going to be troubling one the moment Suoh Tamaki showed up on his doorstep in the middle of the night. The blonde looked remarkably like a beaten puppy, with his eyes downcast and the way he quietly asked, "Kyouya…can I stay here tonight? Grandma doesn't want me at home."

It was quite startling for Kyouya to hear that. Tamaki was _never_ quiet. It just wasn't in his nature. In fact, Tamaki's entire persona seemed to be quiet, like he hoped to just fade away into the background, which was even more out of character than him being quiet. Tamaki was supposed to be vibrant and full of life, not taking on this sulking grey aura that seemed to surround him.

Kyouya nodded and told a servant to fix Tamaki a room, never taking his eyes off of the blonde.

That was little over an hour ago.

Tamaki still remained stubborn about what ailed him (Besides being temporarily homeless, something that had happened before, and much to Kyouya's personal rage) and he didn't pry, of course. Instead he tried to remain ignorant and pretend that the situation was normal.

_(Yeah, it's normal. Go ahead and pretend that he isn't hurt.)_

But how could he continue remain ignorant to Tamaki as he curled up on the couch Kyouya's bedroom and cuddled up against his side? His head was on Kyouya's shoulder, blonde hair tickling his chin, as he stared straight ahead, staring at nothing. His violet eyes were glazed over in unshed tears.

Kyouya could feel the warmth of the body next to him and breathed in the faint scent of vanilla.

_(You could take advantage of him right now. You'd like that, wouldn't you?)_

Kyouya restricted the urge to sigh.

A small part of him relished in the occurrence of such close contact. Kyouya's bare arm tingled from touch and his heart fluttered with excitement, but he tried my best to quell these sensations. He needed to focus. Kyouya needed to focus on the task at hand, which included finding out what happened.

It was quite obvious that something had deeply affected Tamaki and Kyouya began to feel seeds of hatred toward whatever that something was. The bright and cheerful boy that he knew and loved had been suddenly replaced with this depressed drone. Tamaki was supposed to be loud and obnoxious, not quiet and sulking. Kyouya loved Tamaki too much to see him that way.

Kyouya wasn't really sure when it happened, but over the year that he knew the blonde, his feelings had blossomed to well above friendship. At first it frightened him that he had let Tamaki in so far that the blonde had stolen his heart, but he began to accept it, as unrequited as it was.  
Behind Kyouya's cool exterior and polite smiles, there was a feeling of want that he had never felt before. Every pore in his body wanted no _needed_, nothing more than the miserable blonde beside him, but it wasn't even about physical attraction.

While Kyouya was certainly physically attracted to him (Many cold showers proved this), his love went beyond that. The warmth Tamaki had shown him was unparalleled to the sun. The blonde may have been an idiot, but he was a sincere idiot. Of course, Kyouya would never let this attraction show and simply settled for friendship. Even though Kyouya knew Tamaki would never intentionally hurt him or anyone, the thought of the rejection he could face made coldness curl in his stomach.

_(And you spend your nights with tears spilling down your face into your pillow, because no one, not even you, has time for your unrequited love.)_

Despite that, Kyouya was incredibly worried about the problem he could no longer remain ignorant of.

_(It hurts too much to stay ignorant, doesn't it? Ignorance isn't bliss.)_

Kyouya couldn't take it any longer. Tamaki meant far too much for him for him to pretend like their situation was normal. For how could he possibly sit there while his friend--

_(Your only true friend)_

--was obviously in so much pain?

Despite what everyone thought, Kyouya really did have a heart.  
He turned towards the blonde and willed his words to sound gentle enough so Tamaki knew that he was being sincere.

"Tamaki...are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"It's been a year…" Tamaki's grip tightened on Kyouya's arm and a shaky sigh escaped his lips. His voice cracked. "I…I didn't want to be alone."

_Oh._  
Kyouya had never felt more idiotic in all of his life. How could he have forgotten? It had been a year since Tamaki and Kyouya first met. This would make it a year since he had last heard from his mother. Tamaki was probably devastated.

It was rare for Kyouya to not think about his actions, but that was exactly what he did. For one of the few times in his life, he didn't think and wrapped his arms around the agonized boy. All the brunet knew was that Tamaki needed comfort and, while certainly not his strong point, Kyouya was the only one around to give it to him.

Tamaki accepted the hug readily and buried his face into the brunet's chest. Kyouya tightened his hold when Tamaki's huddled form started shaking and he felt hot tears drench his shirt. Kyouya rested his chin on the top of the other boy's head and found his hand rubbing soothing circles on Tamaki's back. He wasn't sure what to say--

_(Are you ever?)_

--the situation was a tad awkward to say the least. Even if Kyouya thought that his words would give the blonde comfort, what do you say to your friend when they are thrown into the woes of loneliness, motherless and afraid?

Tamaki's quiet sobs turned to quiet hiccups and his breathing evened out. He looked up at Kyouya with a perplexed expression and the only thing that crossed Kyouya's mind was how beautiful his friend's eyes were, swimming with sadness. How soft Tamaki's lips looked as he looked up at him and what it would be like to run his fingers through Tamaki's hair and touch the blonde all over.

Kyouya's heart beat roared in his ears as he leaned in and brushed his lips against the other boy's. The kiss only lasted two seconds at most, but for a brief moment Kyouya's body was filled with a deliriously warm sensation. It was amazing. Tamaki's lips were as soft and delectable as they looked and Kyouya couldn't have been happier.

Until reality came crashing down on him.

He had just kissed Tamaki. His best friend. His _male_ best friend. His probably straight male best friend.  
Kyouya felt like smacking himself.

How could he have _done that_?

Judging from the expression on the blonde's face, Tamaki was in just as much disbelief as Kyouya was.

_(He was too shocked to push you away.)_

Kyouya lamented his thoughtless actions and hastily detached himself from the blonde.  
"I think your room might be ready, I'll go check with a servant." Without giving the blonde a chance to reply, Kyouya left the room.

Kyouya was furious with himself. How could he let his hormones take control of him like that, especially when Tamaki needed him most? He'd be damned if that blunder cost him the friendship of the only person who saw past his mask. Hopefully, Tamaki would feel better in the morning and not remember anything that had happened.

_(Because if he doesn't, you'll think he hates you.)_

_Hopefully_ . . .  
--o0o--

When Kyouya returned to his bedroom, Tamaki was still sitting in the same spot. His eyes were slightly puffy with a red tinge to them and still had the air of being soulless. He looked up with that blank expression when the brunet walked in.

"I think we should go to bed now." Kyouya suggested, still not meeting the other boy's eyes. He was still in disbelief of how rash he had been. The predetermined rejection was sure to come and Kyouya couldn't face himself, let alone Tamaki.

_(Because if he's gone, you'll have no one left.) _

"Sit."  
Kyouya looked up, shocked. The word was spoken with a more forceful air than he had ever heard from the blonde. So he complied, sitting a distance away from Tamaki, preparing himself for heartache.

_(But it'll hurt anyway) _

"Don't--don't do that..." Kyouya sighed and shut his steel grey eyes. He knew what was coming next.

_("Don't talk to me again.")_

And he was quite surprised to feel a hand on top of his.  
"Don't leave me like that."

The brunet blinked and stared at the blonde. "Tamaki-kun . . ." He started softly.  
The blonde looked up at him with a slight blush on his face, but his eyes were still as glazed as they had been when he had first arrived there.  
"Kyou-kun, please . . ." A few tears spilled out of his eyes. "I don't want to be alone."  
He placed his hand on the brunet's chest. "I--help me forget."  
Kyouya's eyes widened when he realized exactly what Tamaki was suggesting. Was this a dream?

Tamaki slid his hand alongside his friend's face and leaned in.  
It was better than a dream. Almost everything Kyouya's fantasies were happening. He had been longing to run his fingers through blonde curly hair for so long, that he barely believed it to be happening.

The blonde's lips were just as soft as they were the first time, but even better. Tamaki sucked on his bottom lip and Kyouya shivered when a tongue ran smoothly across it. He readily opened his mouth to allow the blonde's tongue to enter and caress his own. He was ready to let Tamaki do anything to him. He had wanted him so long, that he didn't care.  
Kyouya was being enveloped in a blanket of lust. He couldn't think; he couldn't concentrate. Even breathing became a second priority to him. Every one of his senses was filled with Tamaki as he slowly pushed the blonde to the sofa cushions. The brunet broke the kiss with a moan, very much feeling his arousal steadily growing. He trailed his tongue upward to Tamaki's ear and his hand moved to unbutton the blonde's shirt when a whimper caught his attention.

Kyouya looked at the blonde and his heart nearly shattered again.

Tamaki was not looking at him.

_(Why would he?)_

He was still staring at his random focus point on the wall, and his breathing was strained, like he was trying to prevent sobs. Nothing in those eyes suggested that he was enjoying the moment in the least bit.

Kyouya sat up and sighed. "Don't pity me, Suoh."  
Tamaki looked up, then adverted eye contact and said softy, "I'm not..."  
He sat up slightly and reached for the brunet's crotch, a light blush covering his face. "So let's just—"  
"No." Kyouya's hand shot out immediately and roughly caught Tamaki's wrist.

The blonde looked up at him again just in time for the brunet to see a single tear to role down Tamaki's cheek.  
Kyouya did the only thing he could think of. He pulled the blonde in for a hug.

(_And you can only hope he would do the same for you_)

"I know what you're trying to do, but please stop." He quietly pleaded to his friend. He truly sympathized with the boy. Not only had Tamaki been kicked out of his own home, it happened to be the anniversary of the last time he saw his mother.

Suddenly, Kyouya realized that losing his mother had made him insecure. Tamaki probably figured if his real mother had left him that day, what was stopping his best friend he so dearly nicknamed "Okaasan"? It was like he needed the brunet in his sight just to assure himself that his friend wasn't gone forever.

After Kyouya had kissed him and left so hurriedly, Tamaki probably thought that he was embarrassed, which he was, and would probably avoid the blonde, which was more or less correct. And knowing the French boy, his imagination probably got the best of him and he thought that Kyouya would hate him for not returning his feelings.

So Tamaki probably figured that if he could make it seem like he liked the brunet back, then maybe he wouldn't be alone anymore. And the one thing that the blonde was frightened of at the moment was being alone.  
Tamaki finally gave in and leaned on his friend's shoulder. "I thought you wanted it. Are you mad?" He spoke softly and sounded like a child that was just punished.  
A very bitter sounding chuckle escaped Kyouya's lips.  
A broken laugh.  
"I do. I want it—_you_ more than anything." Both of them were mildly surprised at the confession, but he kept going. "But no, I'm not mad." He began to stroke the boy's back again. "I love you too much for that." Kyouya said the last part softly, almost hoping that Tamaki didn't hear it.

_(Almost hoping that it wasn't true.) _

"Okaasan . . ."  
Kyouya held the boy tighter, understanding what was going through his mind.

"Tamaki, you and I both know that I'm not your mother..." The boy in his arms tensed, but the brunet continued, undeterred. "And I can't promise nothing will happen to me, but I can promise to do everything in my power to stay by your side."  
Tamaki bit back a sob and wrapped his arms around the brunet. "Thank you, Kyouya." He whispered. Kyouya nodded, even though Tamaki wouldn't have been able to see it.

After a minute or so, they departed.

Kyouya ran a hand through thick, black hair. "We should probably go to sleep now."  
Tamaki nodded and followed the brunet to his bed.

Of course. He didn't come all of that way just to sleep alone.

Kyouya slipped into the bed fairly easily since he had long changed into his nightwear, but Tamaki didn't have anything wear. It was kind of cute, really. The blonde squirmed and looked around, as though a magical pair of pajamas would appear. Kyouya could have always loaned him a pair of his, but he wanted to be selfish. With a slight blush, Tamaki slipped out of his clothing with the exception of a pair of boxers and slid under the covers.

Kyouya shed his glasses and turned out the lamp next to his bed.

"Good night, Tamaki."  
A hand underneath the sheets groped for the brunet's and brought it up to the blonde's face.  
"G'night, Kyouya." Tamaki muttered and rubbed his cheek against his friend's hand. After several minutes, the blonde was out like a light.

Kyouya moved closer to the other body occupying his bed and placed a slight kiss on the boy's forehead. Idly, he wondered if he was ever going to get his hand back.

The next morning, Kyouya made sure that he would be there next to Tamaki when he woke up.

Owari.

--o0o--  
Authoress Note: Yeah. I can see Tamaki having abandonment issues so obviously I put that in there. And I tried to end it on a happier fluffy note. Bleh. Review.


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